By Jarrett Bellini
Editor’s note: Each week in “Apparently This Matters,” CNN’s Jarrett Bellini applies his warped sensibilities to trending topics in social media and random items of interest on the Web.
(CNN) — Nobody wants to underwhelm when it comes to their final words on this planet.
“Diane, toast me a bagel.”
So if you knew the exact moment when you were going to die, you might put some serious thought into the matter and really nail it.
Of course, you’d probably want to go out with something inspired and meaningful. Or perhaps a dark, secret confession. Maybe explain to your wife that, yes, you traded her stupid cat on Craigslist for a football phone. And, no, she can’t have it when you’re gone.
The football phone goes in the casket. So does the dog. And whatever beer’s in the fridge.
It’s all a little weird to consider, but if having this mortal information appeals to you, there’s a popular new Kickstarter campaign that delivers this gift of death. More specifically, a wristwatch that counts down to your very last moment.
It also keeps regular time. Which is good. Because if you miss your appointment for erotic massage, there’s no refund. So I’ve heard.
But its main job is still to remind you when you’ll die.
The watch, appropriately called Tikker, “counts down your life, in order to make the world a better place.” And it’s a heartwarming sentiment if you’re into that kind of thing. Helping others and whatnot.
I’m just not sure that if I suddenly knew I had 40 minutes to go, I’d quickly drop everything, grab a shovel and plant a tree.
Truth be told, I’d probably sit around the house, watch some Netflix and wallow in self-doubt.
You know. The usual.
But the idea is that you might go out and be a better person if you had a bit more advance warning. Which is why Tikker hopes to inspire people by reminding them that “death is non-negotiable” and, as the days slip away, it’s important to “make the right decisions.”
“Today I am not wearing pants!”
Just be careful to make the “right decision” at home and not, say, Jamba Juice.
Tikker comes from the mind of Fredrik Colting who, after his grandfather passed away several years ago, was inspired to create the “death watch” in his honor.
Colting said: “It made me think about death and the transience of life, and I realized that nothing matters when you are dead. Instead what matters is what we do when we are alive.”
I nap a lot. Carpe diem.
However, if you’re even slightly more motivated than I am, and if knowing your expiration date is something you’re into, setting up the Tikker death watch will be fairly straightforward.
You simply fill out a questionnaire with inquiries about smoking, exercise and general health. That creates a special number from which you then subtract your age.
And there you have it: the exact number of years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds until you take a big dirt nap.
With apologies to the word “exact.”
Tikker is, perhaps, a bit odd, but it’ll definitely be a good conversation starter at the company holiday party. And that’s what Colting wants.
“The occurrence of death is no surprise to anyone, but in our modern society we rarely talk about it,” he said. “I think that if we were more aware of our own expiration, I’m sure we’d make better choices while we are alive.”
At the time of this writing, with two weeks to go, pledges for the Tikker death watch are at just more than $70,000. Their goal was $25,000.
So, clearly, people are pretty excited about confronting their demise.
Though hopefully not enough to test it out with a moving train.
“I still have 30 years. Bring it, Amtrak!”
SMACK!
“I think Tim forgot to carry the one.”
“Dibs on his football phone!”
Follow Jarrett Bellini on Twitter.
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