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Affair-proofing your relationship

Posted at 1:10 PM, Jun 23, 2016
and last updated 2016-06-23 15:56:14-04

Therapist Anastasia Pullock tells us the key elements to affair-proofing your marriage.

Take an inventory:

Specifically figure out how much of your time you are spending connecting, having meaningful conversations, talking through relationship issues (ranging from minor to serious), connecting physically, etc. You may be surprised to find that you are not spending as much time as you thought you were. Try to add time where you can. Just ten more minutes per day working on just connecting with your partner can go a long way in strengthening your relationship.

Be honest, talk often, and fight fair:

The more willing you are to be honest with your spouse and yourself and how you feel about the relationship, yourself, other people, and life in general, the better you can address and correct any issues that could damage your relationship. It`s important to set aside time to discuss issues as often as you can (I suggest a 'hashing it out session' at least once a week). Talk about situations you are not comfortable with, situations and people that may put you in a vulnerable position, what each of you is comfortable with, how you will be accountable to yourself and each other, etc. No, these are not fun conversations to have but they will certainly make your relationship much more resilient. Disagreeing, arguing, fighting, etc., is not bad as long as it is not abusive. Be fair by listening to your partner the way you want them to listen to you. Remember you are a team.

Be accountable:

In any situation, a great question to ask is 'Would I be acting/talking/engaging this same way if my spouse was here?' If the answer is no, it`s probably a good idea to change the situation by removing yourself, add other people to change the dynamic, or to change your behavior to be consistent with they way you would act if your partner was present.

Reignite the fire:

Complacency and boredom are dangerous. Talk about the things that excited you about your partner and vice versa and create new opportunities to do things that excite both of you. Try something new and/or revisit nostalgic places that remind you of that time when you couldn`t get enough of each other. Reminding yourself why you were attracted to your partner in the first place, and getting excited about your relationship again is excellent for affair proofing!

To get more information or contact Anastasia, click here.