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Man pleads with city to focus on global boneless chicken wing problem

Andrew Christensen argued in front of city council to bring change
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Posted at 11:09 AM, Sep 02, 2020
and last updated 2020-09-02 13:09:33-04

LINCOLN, Neb. — With thousands dead across the world from the global COVID pandemic, a modern day Don Quixote wants people to focus on what is really important: boneless chicken wings.

That's right. Boneless... chicken... wings.

Appearing in front of the Lincoln (Neb.) City Council on Monday, Andrew Christensen spoke with a steady voice and, more important, a straight face about how the country needs to right a tremendous wrong and how his hometown can lead the charge.

After an uplifting preamble in which he claimed that the country's children were being affected, Christensen revealed the dirge upon society that he was railing against.

Again, boneless... chicken... wings.

Christensen claims, correctly, that boneless chicken wings are not from the wing of a chicken, but, in fact, from the breast.

"...nothing about boneless chicken wings actually come from the wing of a chicken." said Christensen. "We would be disgusted if a butcher was mislabeling their cuts of meats, but then we go around pretending as though the breast of a chicken is its wing?”

Despite facing laughter and amused looks all around, Christensen continued on his crusade arguing, correctly, that boneless chicken wings are simply chicken tenders. What's more, Christensen warned about the dangers faced by children.

"Our children are being raised to be afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That’s where meat comes from, it grows on bones. We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken, and it’s delicious." said Christensen.

Christensen's goal is to have Lincoln be the change the world needs by renaming boneless chicken wings to wet tenders, Buffalo-style chicken tenders or, yes, saucy nugs.

City council members did not take action on Christensen's proposal, but he refuses to give up the fight.